On What It Means To Be Curious

Written By PEARL LIM

“Be curious, not judgemental”

If you are a Ted Lasso fan, you may know exactly where this phrase comes from. (In the TV show, the quote came from Walt Whitman, but I digress.)

I’ve often mulled over the concept of curiosity. Is it a skill, a personality trait or a mindset? How exactly does one become more curious?

As it turns out, curiosity is a magical word that applies to all three. It’s a behavioural trait that manifests from people who are genuinely intrigued by the things they encounter, it’s a skill that masterful coaches employ effortlessly in conversations. And certainly, it’s a mindset that frames life as a series of opportunities and different perspectives, versus a fixed one that, yes, usually ends up being judgemental in most ways. (If you ever tried arguing with someone who is politically staunch in left-or right-wing, you’ll know what I mean.)

When we start to think of curiosity in those three dimensions, it becomes less complicated to apply curiosity to different situations. You start to think about the behaviours that enable curiosity, than abruptly pulling the brakes on a budding mind to a screeching halt. You start to hone the skill of asking better questions to unveil the hidden thinking and answers behind certain motivations.

Curious people make better arguments. Not because they argue excellently to insist on their position, but because they ask better questions to the opposing one. It’s not about winning by forcing the other party to admit defeat, but the perspective of seeing the other side - and helping the others to see theirs.

And when you start to create a curiosity mindset - the set of self-beliefs, perceptions and attitudes that shape your outlook on life - it sets you up for the mental inclination and fortitude towards being open-minded, more empathetic, accept the willingness to be wrong and more creative in solutions-seeking.

Honing the art of curiosity, however, can be easier said than done.

Because there are a lot of misconceptions behind curiosity:

  • You have to ask a lot of questions.

  • You explore (and daydream) many ideas… endlessly.

  • You may end up being indecisive.

  • You end up wasting time.

Let’s break it down.

Asking questions relentlessly to show that you are curious, is an exercise in futility to get the best out of the other person. (Just ask any parent with inquisitive kids on why the sky is blue.) The classic quote from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People come to mind: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood”. Ironically, asking better - and more - questions come from deep listening, not shooting off from the top of your mind. You turn the lens of curiosity towards the person or situation to learn, empathise and build bridges… not to increase the gulf between two opposing minds by demanding explanations.

Indeed, the pursuit of curiosity is an exploration of possibilities and imagination. But a curious mind is not merely just a daydreaming journey - there is a difference between brainstorming and purposeful curiosity. Many innovations in business and personal breakthroughs come from thinking outside the box, and the brainstorming exercise is a useful one to embark to draw out ideas that have not been conceived before.

A purposeful curiosity knows how to action on the ideas that have been generated, by the measure of impact and relevance - while keeping an open mind on when to flex as needed.

Therefore, indecisiveness is less likely to happen when we embark on purposeful curiosity, where the goal of exploration is to examine deeply and have a bias towards action, rather than a shallow churn of thoughts and ideas.

Being purposefully curious can take time and deliberate effort to build. For many of us working in a fast-paced and hustle culture, the exercise of being curious can feel like an obstacle which slows us down in delivering results. I’ve worked many years in environments where responding to emails and attending meetings are far more important than thinking through what needs to be done, better. My days often pass quickly with never-ending tasks lists. In the past, I often find myself wailing that I don’t have time to think, let alone be strategically curious about the business. Yet, curiosity as a skill needs to be honed. It requires a personal discipline and motivation to carve out time for deep curiosity, to ask the hard questions that are not being brought forward. Shallow curiosity, on the other hand, is akin to the doom-scrolling on social media to find your next interesting dopamine hit - to which most of us will acknowledge as a “waste of time”.

So what does that mean for today’s leaders?

Like most leadership skills, the curiosity path is a journey that is embarked on for constant practice and a way of being. It’s not a certification you get upon accomplishing a learning goal, nor is it an end goal in itself.

Curiosity sits as a powerful catalyst to being better leaders in the complex work cultures that we operate in. Sometimes, it can be oft-forgotten in the performance reviews where the business results sit at the top of the list, and where leadership-style recognition becomes an afterthought. But as companies around the world start to focus on building great cultures that bring out the best in their employees, curiosity becomes that incredible ingredient that needs to be honed.

Perhaps this is why curiosity is often put together in the “soft skills” bucket of leadership terms - but to deem it weak may be a gross understatement. I’d much rather put this under “sharp skills” to harness in the world that we live in.

References:

PEARL LIM
Previous

Who Stole My Curiosity?